I kill a cheap umbrella.12:09 p.m. - 2004-10-08
Howdy doody! Today it rained. Actually, it is still raining. Oddly enough, this gives me all kinds of writing fodder. Let’s go in chronological order, shall we?
So, I finish getting ready (putting on khakis, of course, because there was no forecast for rain this morning) and step out of the house. As this is St. Louis, and especially as it is raining, I immediately get hit with a wall of humidity. Within 30 seconds, my hair is frizzy yet feels sticky.
I walk up the street to my car. It’s so moist outside, I already feel like a sweat sock. Where does that high humidity smell come from? This smell in the air outside is vaguely redolent of wet dog.
I leave on the heater, but put the lever all the way to blue, since the temperature is around 70 degrees, but with the humidity it feels like 85. While driving to school I hydroplane three times. I think there is something about my car—because I hydroplane like hell when I come to a complete stop and then I try to accelerate, no matter how slowly. But, once I’m moving, everything is fine and dandy. My windshield fogs up despite the fact that it is so warm outside. I have to keep turning on the heat and “defroster”, wait until I start getting too hot, and then change it back to cool and “vent”. I finally get to the Metro link parking lot. I get out my cheap umbrella from Wal*mart (insert foreboding music here).
I walk towards the station, and am just in time to completely miss the train. (That wonderful feeling where you walk up, see the train, and go “shit” cause there is no way you are going to make it in time, but you will be the one who has to wait the longest for the train.) My cheap one-dollar umbrella is still fine. I try to attempt reading my French book (as, of course, the midterm is today), and finally give up. The train arrives. There are lots of seats available up at the front, for which I rejoice. Also, my favorite driver is driving today (the one who always says, “_______ station, watch your step, and have a nice day.” instead of just “________ station”). We arrive on campus. I open up my umbrella again. It is slightly windy on campus, but nothing terrible. As I am wearing too long pants, that are also khakis, I try to tip-toe through the mud. It works so well, really. I now have mud lines continuing 2 inches above the hems. The slight breeze is enough to flip my umbrella 3 times on the course of walking a quarter of a mile. I keep flipping it back down, but due to the cruddy construction of Wal*mart’s junk, two prongs have already been broken, and now half the umbrella is hanging down sadly. This was the first time I ever used that umbrella, and now it is a nasty ghetto umbrella. Not ghetto fabulous, mind you. Just plain ghetto. Let’s take a moment of silence, shall we?
R.I.P. 2004
Cheap umbrella
Anyway, so I finally get to class and toss down my ghettobrella. I take the test (ugh). I head back to the Metro link, tip-toeing once again through the mud, and am just in time to completely miss the train. Again. So I wait another ten minutes and get on the Metro link. I get back in my car, head on home, and hydroplane an additional 3 times. The final time I had to turn on the four-wheel drive, as I hydroplaned for about 30 seconds. I notice, yet again, as I leave my car, the particularly unpleasant smell. I feel sticky and dirty, even though I took a shower before I left this morning. I come home and tell my cat about it. He doesn’t give a damn, but his head is itchy.
At least he got a head scratching for listening to me bitch. What did you get?
Wait! How about a free iPod? (Oh, yeah, baby. I am the queen of all segues.)
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