I watch "Kate and Leopold" (yuck), get a sunburn, and thinks about love and song-writing.2:23 a.m. - 2002-06-21
I believe this will be a rather short entry. I'm tired, but (of course) I've just been thinking about stuff. Not to mention all that worry I was spouting in my last entry, and I never follow up and let people know what happened.
What happened at the church thing(continued from last entry)
Well, it was pretty much dull. I was shocked at how much I've changed. The youth leader guy is still really nice and funny. All the kids got on my nerves. I remember being that age, it just doesn't appeal to me anymore. Some people had grown a foot, some people looked exactly the same, and some people I didn't know. There was a band there, but the lead singer had laryngitis, so he didn't sing, and some crappy-sounding guy from the church came up and sang worship songs. The music was LOUD, like deafening loud, and while the band was competent, it was too loud and the crappy-sounding guy made it suck even worse. They threw a tub of butter and some spam of the roof of the church: that was the highlight of the evening. I wasn't directly ignored (except by the bitchy girl who ignored me even when I did go to the church-- she's a spoiled brat, and all of like 15), but I certainly wasn't really acknowledged. It really sucked, but other than that, it wasn't worth all the worrying I did over it. It never is worth all the worry. We dropped by my old church to see the renovations, and one nosey lady was trying to start one of those "So, what church do you go to now/where are you in your faith?" conversations, but I neatly avoided the topic and left. End of Story. Moving on.
The stuff Chloe just thinks about. And stuff she did. And stuff. Yeah.
So, yesterday, after the crappy youth thing I went to Chian's house. We watched Kate and Leopold. It really sucked-- basically time spent counting the many, many plot holes. We went swimming today, which was fun, but I had class early, so we only swam for about an hour. Then we laid in the sun, which feels so good after a swim, and (naturally) despite the fact that I put on SPF 30 suncreen, I still have a burn. Um, 3 hours of dancing, and it was like 90 degrees outside, the air-conditioning in the car was working like crap, and Theresa's (the teacher) air-conditioning doesn't work too well, either, since people are always not closing the door. This is probably why I'm tired. Heat exaustion. The air-conditioning is working just fine here, hough.
I'm kinda in the mood to write a song. But no music is coming to me. Its hard writing songs when you don't play an instrument, don't know how to read or write music, and you are trying to keep the people who can hear you through the thin walls from hearing. Bt I still persevere. Mine are all angst-filled. Big shocker there. Anyway, one came into my head last night, but I was too tired to get up and look around for paper and a pencil, so I just let it leave. It was more of a poem, really, and I don't write poetry anymore, because of this reasoning: I don't like poetry. I used to write it, but I don't like reading other people's lame poetry, so I don't think it makes sense to subject other people to my lame poetry. So now I write songs. Some of them are okay. But most of them, I can't remember the music, since I can't write it down, and its all in my head anyway. So, I have a binder full of songs with forgotten music-- with a few exceptions. I've been thinking about love a lot lately. Oh, hell, I'll start a new paragraph, even though I was going to try to make this short.
Okay, so love. I've never been in love. I love my cat, and my family and friends and that kind of stuff, but I've never been *in* love. I really wonder if it's even real. I mean, there's the whole hormone argument-- the classic "love is just hormones" thing. Could be true. Hormones do a whole lot of crap. And, guys are really horny. Big news flash there. I am too, but I'm not a guy-- and I wouldn't say I was really horny. It sounds bad, but I wonder if guys are capable of that kind of love. I wonder if I am too. You know, selfless, all-consuming, think-of-him/her-before-yourself kind of love. I long for it, but I don't know if I'm capable of it. I guess its in human nature to long for something deeper, something bigger than yourself. But is there something?
I think I'll cut it off there. I don't have any answers. Just a whole shit-load of questions. And I just go around in circles. So goodnight! Sleep well! Congratulations if you've had the patience and persistence to read this far!
:o)
notes book design dland