I discuss New Year's Resolutions.3:29 am - 01 January 2005
I hate New Year’s Resolutions. Well, maybe not so much as that—okay, I think New Year’s Resolutions are set up to fail.
Think about it—how many people do you know who have followed through, genuinely and truly, on their resolutions? How about you? How many resolutions have you completed?
I’ve added up my total tally and it is: zero. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Say, for example, your new year’s resolution is to stop smoking. I’m sure that’s quite a common one. So, up until midnight new year’s eve, or even claiming that doesn’t count, the time you get up new year’s day, you smoke as much as you can. A last hurrah for killing yourself slowly.
Yes, quitting cold turkey after smoking more than you might normally for the past few weeks (because you know it's coming) is a guaranteed path to success! In reality, if you were ready and willing to quit smoking, you wouldn’t slap a tag on it that says, “do not open till the new year”, and put it off for a few weeks. When you are ready to make a permanent life change, you will just do it. No special date makes it happen. There is no special magic to January first that makes it erase the previous addictions or years.
I’ve made a few resolutions in my time. Admittedly long ago, as I have long resigned myself to the fact that, really, New Year’s Resolutions are bullshit. They last a few weeks and then:
The gym membership continues, but you haven’t stepped foot in there since early February.
The diet dies. Painfully, and possibly involving ding-dongs.
You fish the half-full pack of cigarettes out of the trash can, and promise you’ll quit next year (Damn! Take out your trash more often!)
So, I suggest one new year’s resolution for all, far and wide:
No more New Year’s Resolutions!
Come with me, folks!
Folks?
Well, maybe next year.
Happy New Year’s!
I have to get up for work in three hours.
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